What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 25.06.2025 11:07
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Ive learnt so much.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Watch ULA launch Amazon's 2nd batch of Kuiper internet satellites today - Space
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
One cannot live in the past .
He knew the spot.
What are the signs of mild autism in a child?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im still living with it.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
James Hagens’ Islanders homecoming is no longer just a pipe dream - New York Post
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Why did i forgive my father ?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We all went to grammer schools
Existing PS Plus Members Using Clever Trick to Get a Discount - PlayStation LifeStyle
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Comes on , in middle age.
Nvidia tops Microsoft, regains most valuable company title for first time since January - CNBC
But it wasn’t much.
My family never makes their pension either.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
What is a good moisturizer and sunscreen for oily skin for a girl like me who is 17?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Is Trump the greatest spiritual leader since Jesus?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was 9 years of age.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Long-dead NASA satellite suddenly emits massive radio burst - Chron
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
NASCAR Cup Series qualifying order for Michigan International Speedway - NASCAR.com
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My life is so biszare .
Who then, do I blame.?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She found it foreign!.
So, i spoilt her more .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
It was going to be , some day.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was very sick at this time too.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
All the time i was locked up.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I was scared of men, in general
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We were not on the streets..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She was in good health!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I waited trembling.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I think the readers, may guess!
But ive been too sick for many years..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She married twice! .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And i lived it daily.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
So whats the point in blame.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I don,t even have a pension.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But, we were locked up after school.
When she asked me how she looked .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was seconnd youngest,
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I could never make a relationship work though!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As i do to all so called friends.?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Would this be the day?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I have no regrets .
She loved him until the end.
This is soul school!.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Put me off passion for life!!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I will be 64.
What did i know ?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
(And it was in our own minds.)
She wouldn,t have been !
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I said to her
I write beautiful poetry .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!